Beautiful Disaster

Ask me anythingWho?PicturesPersonal PostsNext pageArchive


everything personal♡

Round two. Not sure overhearing is good for me. She sure sounds like she’s having a good time. 

He never touched me.

So I just overheard the Music Man and his date he brought home. Fucking. Clearly it was not a case of him being asexual in general or a case of the Catholic and he’s still technically married moral issue thing. It was simply that he was not attracted to ME sexually. Ouch.

Tempted to send him a text “that sounded like fun” but I’m trying to get past the mess of emotions in my head and I’d rather it be sincere. I want to be sincerely happy for him. And I will get there. But in this moment, it’s difficult.


everything personal♡


Saturday night I splurged on new makeup, dyed my hair, put on a pretty dress, pearls, heels, and a shrug and went out to sing karaoke. I felt very pretty. I was supposed to meet some guy from okcupid, but he never showed. I did meet a nice enough guy who was politely but clearly interested (chubby chaser - they often make themselves known really quickly). So I went home with him. First time in over a year that I’ve had that kind of affirmation and physical attention. That’s quite a while for me.  It was many of the things I’ve been missing. Just not where I was looking for it from. For his part, the guy knew what he was about. He made sure I got mine first - a nice bonus, and somewhat rare. Perhaps he’s regretting not getting my number, or not yet being awake before I left at 1pm the next day for work. Perhaps not. Because of recent heartache, my heart is unavailable, but that doesn’t mean I’m not up for a bit of fun. With potential players I know how to play. It’s a back and forth that I understand and rules I’ve learned for it. I’ve even got game. I just don’t know if I have the energy or interest.

The Music Man is out on a date tonight. With a molecular biologist he met through Tinder. I am watching his 5 children. Who are grating on my nerves. But I think it has more to do with how I feel about him dating than their actual behavior, and I’m trying not to let it flow towards them. They’re still heading to bed early though. And so am I. Working at 5:30am (work is half an hour away) and the district manager is coming in for a cleanliness audit (and the bosslady is on vacation).

He brought her home. She seems nice. Apparently she is staying the night. On the bright side, I made pumpkin muffins to serve the district manager as a pairing for my favorite whole bean coffee.


Everything you love is here

"1. Being able to say “I’m sorry” is a skill, and one that not a lot of people possess. Hone that skill. Apologizing shouldn’t be followed by “but here’s why I did it” or “and then you did this”. An apology is you taking responsibility for hurting someone else, not a notch on a scorecard in some bizarro battle of “Who’s Right?”"

- Lessons I’ve Learned From Being a Therapist (via brutereason)

(via fuckyeahexistentialism)